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Happy birthday, Princess

December 2nd, 2011 1 comment

Four years is a long time.  At least, it was in high school.

That’s how many years it’s been since my Princess, Addison arrived.

Her delivery was faster than expected.  Had we realized labor would be that brief, I wouldn’t have bothered to shower and shave.  My husband wouldn’t have made that loaf of banana bread (which we left baking in the oven .. cause that’s .. safe).  He may not have spent so long passing off our Price in the parking lot.  He almost missed everything.

He missed the epidural.  Lucky bastard.

We got the first: “Uh oh.”  Meconium brought in the NICU team for a fast clean up.  (Yuck.)

Then you got sick.

A rare shot at Children's Mercy Hospital .. Christmas Day, 2007.

Then you got sicker.

We said goodbye.

But, being a stubborn mini fighter, you proved us wrong.

Thank you.

When you blow out your candles tonight, I’ll make the same wish I’ve made every year since: May you spend another year without going to the hospital.

And since you discovered a favorite movie: May you grow big like robot.

Categories: Life Tags:

Killing a tree for Christmas

November 9th, 2011 1 comment

It will cost Americans fifteen cents more per tree killed this Christmas, according to The Heritage Foundation.

When the headline hit my Facebook feed, the tree-hugging-Californian in me, with a fake tree stored in a Kansas-basement, was jumping with joy that Obama was taxing Americans for killing a tree!

I’ve honestly never understood why it was necessary for a one-day celebration. Particularly from those of us just fitting in with society’s rituals. (I do it for my kids! .. and the cookies.)

As an advertiser who has attempted to convince franchisees to agree on a cooperative marketing campaign, I am flipping-out-jealous of Obama.

A “tax” for marketing, where any seller of 500+ trees is forced to opt in? And they can’t even really argue about it because it’s not even their money that’s being spent on the campaign, er, “new image!”

Brilliant! .. No .. Umm .. Commanding?

Not even the biggest advertising agency has the opportunity to sell in a plan like that to win Agency Of Record.

I wonder if he’s getting some sort of fee or percentage of budget like we would for making that happen?

Because, last I knew, Christmas trees were sorta tied in with a little religion called Christianity. And I really thought we had rules about a separation between church and state in this country.

It’s a job title, not an excuse

November 8th, 2011 3 comments

“(I’m this way because) I’m an Engineer/Architect/Lawyer/Advertiser/Blogger.”

Within the past week, I’ve heard all of the above excuses for behaving in a certain way in a group of unknowns and possible uncommons.

In my career, I’ve witnessed behaviors that warrant the same verbiage.

Junior players refusing to step up to the plate because it’s not in their job description.

Senior partners acting as if they no longer need to know how to swing, run or catch (as long as they know how to pitch). As if they are allowed to be excused from practicing and improving once they hit a certain title.

Once you stop becoming better and challenging yourself, you simply begin to lose where you once won.

By stepping out of the game, you are allowing others to get ahead, no matter who you are.

Perhaps that’s where we’re really seeing the difference between the 99 and 1%. Those at the top refusing change no longer feel obligated to pick up a bat and play the game. They simply want to bark orders and remind everyone how big their balls are.

What they haven’t realized is that Soccer is rising up on the old fashioned world of Baseball. And soon enough, those balls will get kicked.

Shit happens

October 8th, 2011 1 comment

Sometimes, shit even happens in a mini-van.

While you’re driving on a freeway.

Volunteering time you don’t really have.

Transporting a dog from a shelter to an adoption event.

In a flimsy and damn near broken crate.

… >pause to compose myself< …

And when the shit does happen?

The dog that made the stinky mess?

He might just get even more freaked out by the transportation process.

And do a somersault inside the crappy crate.

Flinging poo not only all over the inside of said crate. But all over himself. Causing it to ooze out. Into the carpet of the car being (ab)used.

… >sigh< …

AND? When the crate flips over in the dog’s panic?

It might even break open.

Releasing a shit-covered-dog-in-a-frenzy.

To run frantically inside your minivan, looking for a way out.

As you slam on your breaks. And jump the hell OUT of your almost-still-moving-vehicle.

While he continues to spread the mess from inside the crate.

To the upholstery. To the walls. To the windows. To the seats (car seats of your kids not to be excluded). To your purse. To your steering wheel.

I still don’t know how it got in my hair.

… >shudder< …

And?

It’s apparently a joke best played by God (or whomever the higher power was that did that to me .. and my minivan .. yesterday)

When you are already running late.

To meet someone about a potential job opportunity.

… !!! …

I still have no idea how I made it home.

Showered.

Blow-dried my hair.

Found new, non-shit-covered-clothes.

And made it to my meeting.

With 10 minutes to spare.

But next time? I’m not even going to ask. I’m bringing my best, most secure, non-break-out-able crate to make a transfer.

If I miss a call from you today? It’s because I’m getting the shit out of my car. Please leave a message. I’ll call you back after I wash my hands.

Sunset and Sunrise

October 2nd, 2011 1 comment

Beginnings and endings.

Sometimes it feels like that’s all that life has to offer.

Sunrises sparkle with glory.

Sunsets carry tinges of regret.

Photography via Michael Smith

What could have been today? Yesterday? Tomorrow?

What if? What if?? What if generic viagra price in india???

We can ask ourselves to death.

Or we can embrace what was. What is. What will be.

Truth rests within our souls. Within this moment.

Truth lives within you if you make it so.

Be what you believe.

I believe in you.

Believe in me.

BE.

“Part of The Problem” vs “Part of A Solution”

September 10th, 2011 No comments

Dear Woman That Called Me “Bitch” Today on the On-Ramp of I-35 in Olathe, KS:

Why yes, I did understand that you wanted me to move away from the solid white line that separates the part of the road you should drive on. Rather than the part you were driving on.

Which is reserved, btw, for emergencies and emergency vehicles. Only.

Your obscene hand gestures were quite clear.

And my MiniVan was not Over The Line. I was just too close for your Giant SUV to pass me.

And yes. I did roll down my window just to be sure I could listen as you orally assaulted me. While passing me. In reverse. Not even looking in your rear-view mirror.

You were looking Right At ME.

And yes, I did laugh when you called me a Bitch.

But I am not sorry that it upset you to the point of slamming on your breaks. And almost making the other “ignorami” following your lead back up towards one of the most dangerous on-ramps in Johnson County, Kansas. To nearly hit you. And/Or ME.

And, to answer your question again: No. I am Not a cop. I do Not have a badge. I do Not carry a gun.

You were correct in that It Is Not My JOB.

But you were incorrect to say that it’s “..None of (my) Mother Fucking Business .. Stupid Cracker Bitch!!”

And you were wrong that it is not my right to be upset with you. Or the other ELEVEN Self-Centered-Americans I watched. For nearly causing Several accidents.

Particularly when you had to stop in the middle of the entrance ramp. Where everyone was trying to do the right thing. And be patient.

So you could make a u-turn. And go Out the In.

Gee. I sure hope you made it to Wally-Mart on-time.

But in your oblivious rush, you may have missed my final words over the sound of you gunning your engine baclofen 10 mg. Still looking at me. Going in reverse. And almost hitting cars full of People and Children.

I was still laughing at your Bitch “insult” as I yelled back, “But I have every right to call one!”

And? Yes. I Did.

And I’ll do it again. And again. And again.

Until you learn. That the rules are there for a reason. And I Am NOT Tolerating This Sort of Irresponsible “Adult” Behavior ANY Longer.

I only wish I was better at memorizing license plate numbers. So you could have a special visitor to your home. To discuss your problems with Road Rage, Wreck-less (full!) Driving, Causing a Public Disturbance, Verbally Assaulting Me … Should I go on?

Or are you going to wise up to the fact that there are some people that aren’t as inconsiderate as you. And they might even have the Olathe Police Dept programmed into their Smartphones.

I am a citizen. It’s not my job. It’s my right. And it’s my choice.

If you only learn one thing today: Choose to Remember That.

Sincerely, Stacey

P.S. I was laughing because “Bitch” isn’t an insult. Not where I’m from. Which, btw, is NOT Kansas. So “Cracker”? “Nigga,” I speak Ebonics. Don’t you dare think you’re “blacker than me.” Even though I’m so white that I’m damn near transparent.

And to everyone else that was in that area today:

If you were ticketed for being self-centered while entering I-35 Northbound from 119th Westbound? Yeah. I’m not sorry for your poor decision-making-abilities, either.

Categories: Life, My Opinion Tags:

Me, Myself and I

September 9th, 2011 1 comment

Me: “Bitch.”

Myself: “WHAT?! Even my mother isn’t allowed to call me that.”

I: “OMG, are you serious?! STFU. You’re both goddamn crazy and I have better things to be doing right now.”

kaithxbai 😉

Categories: Life, My Opinion Tags:

It’s not “Junk” .. It’s a Reflection

September 8th, 2011 1 comment

I couldn’t help but laugh at one of my morning chores today.

Sorting through my mail from yesterday.

Junk in my .. er .. ON my counter.

My “junk mail,” as my 80’s mind wants to call it.

But, is it “junk” today? Or, is it just a reflection of who we are and what we want?

Long gone are the days of buying names of lists blindly and hoping you would buy our >insert product here<.

Now? .. We know you.

Be paranoid.

Sometimes, it’s a good thing.

We’re after you.

Who?

Advertisers.

Brands.

Marketers.

“The Man.”

And?

We’re getting SMARTER.

So lock your doors.

Hide yo’ children.

No body is safe from the message we want to speak.

#preach.

Categories: Advertising, Life, My Opinion Tags:

Heart

September 6th, 2011 No comments

I’ve been reading “a lot” from a little book named “Heart,” given to me by my favorite advertising agency (as far as those I’ve worked with, anyway), Barkley.

Every day, as I brush my teeth in the morning, I open the book to any random page, and read both sides.

Each page hits straight to .. well .. my heart.

Today’s Reading:

Left Page: “The outward work can never be small if the inward one is great, and the outward work can never be great if the inward is small or of little worth. There is your life and there alone you live and your work lives.” – Meister Eckhart

Right Page: “Quality is not just a chart, or a standard, or a specification – it’s a state of mind, a commitment, a responsibility, a spirit. It’s a way of doing, being and living.” – Don Galer

Welcome back to work, y’all. Make it a productive and fabulous day.

Some people just .. know you.

September 6th, 2011 No comments

An Old Friend (AOF), 8/31: “Everything good kiddo?”

Me: “Why do you ask?”

AOF: “gee I WONDER”

Me: “lol. Because I lack a filter? .. But try?”

AOF: “lol.. just lookin out for ya babe .. as always”

Me: “It’s been a rough few months. .. But then I’ll add my filter back on, because right now it’s a fight I’m trying to avoid rather than face. … Although I’m smart enough to be prepping myself for the worst.”

AOF: “if ya need to yell, im always here.. …”

.. And then the conversation went entirely “agency/media/digital/dork” .. So I will save you from all of that.

And just say, “I am who I am. And I am not afraid of (most) things.”

I will challenge you directly. And I will apologize if I am wrong.

I am an anomaly. Or, as I prefer to say “a conundrum of contradictions.”

Categories: Advertising, Life, My Opinion Tags: ,